When life gives you lemons you make orange juice so people will say "How the hell did you do that?"

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Double-whammy

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What did the single woman get for Christmas? Raped.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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1657 is a cool number, when a leprachaun sings it sounds like pie drinking an obese penguin (do you know what I mean....) :D

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A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar mans asks ''so, what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk.

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So, a man walks into a doctor's office. He says, "Doctor, it hurts when I bent my arm like this." The doctor tells the man that it is simply a sprained muscle after thorough examination.

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Want to hear a joke? Women's rights.

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How did the man die? He was killed alive.

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What do you do when you see a black man getting hitted by a Mexican taxi? -Call 911

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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Knock knock. Whos there. Your landlord. Your landlord who? Bitch, i'm here with your eviction notice you haven't paid rent in weeks

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What do Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson have in common? The same first name.

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What is the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The word anti before anti-joke.

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Religion.

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Q: How do you count the population of Mexico? A: Take a census.

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't care I have AIDS

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A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

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Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

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What's the difference between Tom and Jerry? One is a cat, and the other is a mouse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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