What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

thumb_up thumb_down -16

While i was driving, my son asked, 'Have you had an accident in the last 5 years Dad?' And I replied, 'You're almost four now son'.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Eating food: Ugh disgusting! Taking a dump later: THIS IS DELICIOUS! Man, you are doing it wrong... Waterworld was a pretty dry movie, I mean when are they gonna start making movies with a bit of wet humor for a change? SERIOUSLY BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM NOT SERIOUS!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. It never receives it because it can't talk and is far too small to see.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the monkey say to the African American? Monkeys cannot speak, therefore it would not be able to communicate with an African American, who is an equally respected member of the community, in an efficient way.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was white

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the fisherman say to the other fisherman? Were both fishermen

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are blind and do not care if it is light or dark in their surroundings.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did one sausage say to the other? Nothing. Sausages don't talk...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A Jew walks into a gas chamber...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

yo mumma is so smelly i can distictly smell her more than her perfume

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the man running? He needed to get somewhere fast.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the little boy become for Halloween? An orphan, his parents were killed that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's white and sticky? A white stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a dumb friend? Sam.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in front of your door? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on your wall? Art.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar And compliments the bartender for his great service

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Henry VIII: I need another wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thomas Wolsey: All right then. How about my nan? Henry VII: I'm dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :~D

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats the easiest way to kill a baby? let it live a long and meaningful life, prolonging the inevitable death of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two polar bears were sitting in a bathtub. One said to the other, "Could you pass the saop?". The other say, "What do you think I am, a typewriter?".

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the Mexican jump the border? Because his mom told him the grass was always greener on the other side... She lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Praise Paisley

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did Chuck Norris say to the puppy? Aww what a cute dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops