why did the man get arrested? because he was a thief, and thieving is completely unacceptable in a civilised society

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What's the difference between a black man and a bicycle? ( I don't know. ) You're so racist.

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Your moma's so fat, she has a considerable list of medical health problems, and she is very miserable.

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man nothing. Because It's a duck.

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Why did the little girl cry? Because she saw her future.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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What did the asian do with his homework? finish it. as is expected from children his age.

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why did the irishman, the englishman and the african man die? because i went on a violent killing spree, murdering everyone i saw

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What is worse than getting a bad grade on a test. Having your family dog bled out in front of you, bitch.

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Whats worse than ten dead babies in one tree? I dont know, but that is quite a graphic sight i have in my mind right now.

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Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

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what do an elephant and a mouse have in common? nothing

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How do you make a kid with ADHD stay still? Shoot him in the knee cap

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What's the difference between an egg and a Llama? The'yre both not lamps.

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What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

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What is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you? A pool table.

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Q: What has four eyes but can't see? A: A blind guy with glasses

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My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

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A black man and two Mexican men are all in the same car, who's driving? One of the Mexicans.

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What's 9+ 10?! 19

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fish fishy caoimhin

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Whats worse than getting an "F" on a test? Stage diving with a kilt on.

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Have you ever ate a donut? Yes I have. In fact, the donut I ate recently was fairly delicious.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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