What do you call a quadriplegic person in the water? One should refer to them by their name, but seeing as a quadriplegic person would be incapable of swimming if you do see a quadriplegic person in a body of water you should seek help or call emergency services.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Jerry: Why arent you talking to me Seth? Seth then explains using sign language that he was born mute and is offended that Jerry keeps forgetting. Then Jerry uses sign language to say" **** off i have alzheimers!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Did you know that in the country of Nigeria, every minute, 60 second passes?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why do girls like Justin Beiber? They dont

thumb_up thumb_down +10

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH

thumb_up thumb_down +10

knock knock who's ther? chris chris who? JUST OPEN THE F***ING DOOR AND CHECK IT OUT

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did batman say to robin when they got to their car? Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Technically I did not try to, but I made you believe I tried in vain, so your subconcious is unable to register that it is under a state of trance, you could deny it, but you are in a state of trance right now. So how big are your breasts?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

"The Civil War wasn't won in a day, it was won in a lifetime." -Marc Cruz

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Three men walked into a bar. None were injured because they were all wearing hard hats as is the procedure for a construction site.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats funnier then a dead baby a dead baby dressed as a clown

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

God has put a gate keeper at a gate in heaven to listen to how everyone has died. The first guy comes and says, "I thought my wife was cheating on me so when i came home I see this man hanging off my balcony, I thought he was the man cheating with my wife, so I then push him off, but he was still alive, so I threw a refrigerator onto him, that killed him, but I felt so guilty I soon commited suicide" The gates man said, "Wow thats terrible come in." Then the next guy come and he says how he died, "Well you see I was just oiling myself up for my workout, but I slipped, and fell off my 5th story balcony, and landed in some guys 3rd floor balcony I was hanging off the ledge, and a guy came I thought he was going to help me, but instead he pushed me of and threw a refrigerator on me." The guard let him in, and a third guy came. The Guard said,"Man its going to be hard to beat those guys their just sad. Ok how did you die?" The third man said, "Picture this I'm trapped in a refrigerator...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

OH LOOK I'M A SAILOR I KNOW NAUTICAL PHRASES! LIKE...... KNOTS AND MAST AND SHIP AND SEA AND STUFF

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Ginger woodpecker throbbing in the moonlight

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What did ine sweaty arab man say to the other sweaty arab man? A: "I'm sweaty"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because lately the posts on "anti-joke.com" have not been anti-jokes. Not even a little.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Chocolate makes everything better, except obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had just received a call from his family, hearing that his father had just been butchered. He was approaching the farm when an 18-wheeler approached. The tire flew off, hit a candy store, candy flew in the chicken's mouth, and it died of diabetes. However, right before the chicken died he finally crossed the road, not knowing he would get shot by his farmer. The chicken managed to survive the shooting to his right kidney, wiggled to his family, and died in front of his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you get when you throw a white hat in the red sea? A wet hat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

no

thumb_up thumb_down +8

In some aspects, a fowl can be compared by many points to the Tyrannosaurus. But it is still comestible.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

In soviet russia...the abundance of natural oils and rich agricultural land provide it with a thriving economy

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops