You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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How Many Chickens does it take to make an egg? NOrmally 2

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Two carnivorous dinosaurs get into a fight. Carnage ensues and many baby dinosaur eggs are stomped on, and in the end they both die.

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Why wasn't Johnny at school today? Because he died in childbirth.

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Whats the difference between a phone and a mexican? You can't dial a mexican.

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"I just don't understand the difference between yours and mines." "Well, you see, yours belong to you, whereas mines explode when you step on them."

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Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great distance she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Interrupting Owl." "Interrupting Owl who?"

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I was reading a book about antigravity, but I put it down because it was boring.

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A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

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What's the difference between a cat and a banana? One is a cat, the other is a banana.

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A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

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What did the Unicorn do with the Portal gun? Nothing. Neither of them are real.

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Why was timmy no longer being bullied at school? The rope said it all! Bitch Died HA

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Woman's Rights

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What did the blonde do when she reached the traffic lights? She stopped, as the lights were red.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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what's worse than being chased by a turtle? being chased by an angry turtle

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How did Bob survive the plane crash? He didn't

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I'm dressing up as a shia for halloween

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Why did Sara fell off her swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sara

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A duck walks into a bar, but he is kicked out because he is not 21

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When geese fly south, why is one side of the V usually longer than the other? There are more geese on that side.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops