How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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How do you know if your friend is dead? You shoot him in the face!

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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why did the Mexican shoot himself? because his wife miscarried, hung herself, and his oldest brother had cancer. also when he was 5, his parents died in a car accident, leaving his abusive uncle to care for him. he also had erectile dysfunction which caused him severe pain. did i mention he was an illegal, homeless immigrant who was addicted to methamphedimine and owed several million dollars to a man who repeatedly raped him anally? he was.

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What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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Get the FREE anti jokes app with loads and loads of anti jokes anywhere you go, even offline! All the funniest and most popular, and loads more new ones. Why not? After all, it's free! http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hilarious-anti-jokes-lite/id438092279?mt=8&ls=1

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Roses are red...

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How many dinosaurs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if you're talking about T. Rexes, you can forget about it! Their arms are too short to do anything! They can't even beat off!

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You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

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If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police, because it's obviously a darky that's up to no good.

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Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

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So, how 'bout that airline food?

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Why was everyone screaming bloody murder? Their home team won

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What has eight wheels and cost more than a Lamborghini? Two Lamborghinis.

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What's the difference between two telephone poles? T-shirts! Because motorcycles don't have doors!

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Boy: Why is the sky blue? Man: Because it is

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black people are white when i use night gogles

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what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

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What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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