how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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What does Mr. Newell have? - Diabetes. Mr. Newell has diabetes.

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A cow walks down the stairs. Not really. They are incapable of walking down stairs. It actually died on the roof.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

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Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

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Guess what? The Game.

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A man is flailing his arms in the ocean. Help me, I'm drowning!, he screams. Some dude runs into the water, drags the man out, and is proclaimed a Hero.

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The asian parent's look at their child and say in an angry voice. "Y U NO DOCTOR." The kid was amazed how uneducated they were in english after living in america for 10 years.

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How do you get 4 Jews in a car? Open the door and tell them politely to get in.

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Why is the sky blue? Because bicycles have two tires

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Rozes r read Vilets r blew iy cahn noht spell becuase i am blind.

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What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

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Q: How do you know your gay? A: When you have unexpected desires for men, which is a sin to a religion, so the choice of being gay is against the bible and you would soon be sent to the pit of fire we call hell.

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how do you get a clown off a swing i dont know but dont call suzy

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My mother in law fell down a wishing well, i was amazed, i never new they actually worked

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Please don't tell anybody about me, or I will be hunted down, taken from my family, and be objected to a life of cruel exploitation.

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how many black people are... wait stereotypical jokes are for fags

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What looks like a flower, smells like a flower, and feels like a flower, but isn't a flower? Just kidding it's a flower

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Q-what did the black man say before he crossed the road? A-i wanna cross the road.

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Q:What does a virgin and a penny both have in common? A:Guys don't want them.

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what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

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What do you get when you cross batman and superman? One egotesticul idiot SOB aka mofo ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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Knock Knock? Whos there? The police, please open the door.

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Friend: What do you call a farting dog? Me: A canine releasing built up pressure as a result of excess carbon-based gases produced by the synthesizing and decompositional digestive reactions in the stomach and intestines. Friend: ... Who is a nerd, pointless, has no social life, and cant take a joke? Me: No one. No one but you is that exceptionally lacking in character.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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