what do you get when a bear and a man mix a really pissed off bear and a dead man

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Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

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What happened when the Neo-Nazi ran into a group of black people? He listened to their struggles, heard their stories, accepted their diversity and eventually hung up his hateful ways.

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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What is faster than a black guy stealing a TV? His brother with a DVR

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What did the man with five penises say? I have 5 penises.

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roses are red , violets are blue , sugar is sweet and so are you. the roses are wilting the violets are dead. the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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Why did 12 people die when they went to see The Dark Knight Rises movie premiere? Because they were shot and bled profusely resulting in quick, painful death.

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What did your mom say when Quinn Griffith Randel walked in the door? Hi.

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Chuck Norris is an average human being!

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What did the retard say to the other retard? *(incoherent gibberish)*

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What are we then hypocrites?

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Yo mama so fat, that when she wore a blue swimsuit to the beach and swam, the Blue Whales started sing, "WE ARE FAAMILY...EVEN THOUGH UR BUGGER THAN ME!!!"

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In the movie Dark Skies, little white boys were haunted by a mysterious force. The answer is obvious, isn't it? They are being haunted by Michael Jackson's ghost.

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Why did Jack got late to his date? Because he was playing Call of Duty and forgot about the time.

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Why did the Muslim enter the bar? He didn't.

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There once was a girl named sally with no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally.

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What did the man with cancer do? Die

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I farted!!!!! t'was smelly??????? I LIKE CRABS! #tomato problems

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what rhymes with pirates? not Somalia because i don't consider a inflatable boat a pirate ship.

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A Man walks in to a bar and orders a pint of lager, he notices something floating on the top of his drink so he calls over the bartender. "Excuse me, I think there's something in my dr-" The man's sentence was cut short as a man with a gun had just walked into the bar. He killed everyone, there were no survivors.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. It was a dead monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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