Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Run Quick, Before I eat you and die of obesity due to high blood pressure and bad heart disease!!!

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What did the widow get for her birthday? Nothing from her husband.

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(insert command here) Oh yeah, well I want world peace.

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Why was the alcoholic unable to pass a stool when he sat down on the toilet? Because he did it on the floor.

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Why did the parrot fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2

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Your momma is so old, she has lived a wonderful, long life and witness a lot of human achievement.

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An American man stopped me the other day and asked for the time, I looked at my watch and said: 5 o'clock.

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Why are you reading this? You should be taking a shower, you smell like crap.

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hihihihihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihjhihhhihhihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihiihihiihihihihihihihihihihiihihihihiihihihi

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what's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? nothing, they're both overused anti jokes.

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Knock knock. "Who's there?" I am deaf. "I am deaf who?" What?

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made from the juice of the fruit while jam is made from the pulp of the fruit.

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why did the kid get chemotherapy? because he had cancer

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A dog goes to his food bowl. He eats his dinner.

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Why do firemen wear red suspenders? If they didn't, their turnout gear would not effectively protect them from flames.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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i was going to say a gay joke butt f*** it.

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say this really fast dick chick, chick, dick, dick chick,chick dick, dick chick if you cant like it

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The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

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What do you call a person at your door? Whatever his name happens to be.

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Bug? Four in the seats, twenty six in the ash tray, and thirty in the gas chamber.

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watermelons are red, pineapples are yellow. i'm not a poet, say hello for me.

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What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney? Nothing chimneys don't talk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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