It's that time of the month again... ...to cut my toenails.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? To honor his father, Jonathan "Red" Hoffner, who was tragically killed in the line of duty. While attempting to save 3 small children in a trailer park fire, the elder firefighter suffered 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body. "Red" was rushed to a local hospital and lingered for several agonizing days. He began to rally but a careless error by a night nurse led to his unfortunate demise. His son was psychologically unable to wear anything but red suspenders every day for the rest of his life - not only because of his father's death but also because it was he who had maliciously set the fire in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded at sea,the brunette swims 1 quarter of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns.The redhead swims 3 quarters of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims half the way to shore, gets tired and swims back.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: The farmer decided it was too cruel to fence in the animal, however getting run over by a car was a fate... not worse than death because it died.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A black man, an asian man, and white man walk into a bar. Not that out of the ordinary since America is a melting pot.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? ?? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did a husband do when he came home to find his wife murdering their children? Nothing. There is no excuse for domestic violence.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why does the boy like ice-cream? It tastes good.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Too get to the other side. Duuu no one crosses the road to get killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into a psychiatrists office, naked but wrapped in Saran Wrap. The Doctor takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus. Why did the bus crash? It hit a boy eating an ice cream cone.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

ASUS Live Update has stopped working.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a pile of dead babies in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

September 11 was the 9/11 of all terrorist attacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did Sally failed gym class Because she couldn't do push ups

thumb_up thumb_down -19

yo momma is so stupid, she probably in in the bottom 1% of her age group

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops