I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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A man felt a pain in his stomach. He went to the doctor.

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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How many light bulbs? 1

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A man walks into a bar. He is promptly taken to the hospital where he finds out that he may have a concussion.

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Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock...

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How did the mom quiet her screaming baby? She threw it out the window.

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A deaf man walks into a bar. Someone yells, "FIRE!" and everyone evacuates. The deaf man does not hear him and dies horribly.

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What's worse than a dead baby? A dumpster full of dead babies What's worse than that? One is still alive at the bottom What's worse than that? It had to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It came back for seconds

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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i know you talk the talk but can you talk the talk

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Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

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Q: What is brown and sticky and often found in the grass? A: A stick.

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Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

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How does an elephant climb a cliff who cares

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Roses are red, Violets aren't. This doesn't make sense. Potatoes and brown.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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How do you find your way out of the impossible maze? You don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops