What is brown and can't get an erection? Poo

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I had vodka + water and got drunk. had rum + water and got drunk. had gin and water and still got drunk. I've learnt my lesson. NO MORE WATER FOR ME

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Why is the dog in the driver seat? Why is there birds making you filet mignon? Why is your toe blue? I don't know the answer. Go talk to your doctor

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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

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What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

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What did the boy say after he stubbed his toe? Owww! I wanna have sex!!!

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Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

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if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have Cancer."

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint

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Why did the Mexican man grow a mustache? It wasn't his choice. Men naturally grow facial hair and he ran out of razors.

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Why was Tommy late for school? He got raped by spiderman.

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out the chamber.

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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Yo mama so fat, her Patronus is a cake.

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What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

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These Jokes suck.

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(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

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Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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A man walks inta pet store looking for a dog. All he finds are cats.What did he end up buying. A weasel

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a jew, a gay, and an irishman walk int a bar at different times during the span of 5 hours.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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What's worse than a guy staring at you? Two guys staring at you.

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Q: What is the difference between a moose and a cow? A: How they're spelled.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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