Q:How do you kill Chuck Norris ? A:You don't , He kills you first.

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Your mom is such a big whore that she sleeps with your dad.

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What's similar between the Alabama Crimson Tide and a maggot? They've both been feeding off of a dead Bear for 30 years...

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Thanks, I admire your sincerity, and I am happy to see that I got a lot more in common with you, than with well, my nerdy and geeky friends, which are not reading this here and now unless they are going against their orders and messing up their own work schedule. I just want you to know that I have fallen in love with you Nero, and if that is a problem for you, please let me know ASAP.

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Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

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what did little johnny get his grandfather for christmas?nothing his grandfather died on thanksgiving

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What did Lois say to Peter? Who cares... Family Guy is a stupid show.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!

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Why was the chair spinning Cause it wants to

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A Buddhist priest, and mexican drug lord, and a 12 year old girl walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the little girl and says. "Honey, you're too young to be in here." the little girl looks around and says. "Oh, My mistake." and leaves.

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How do you make a kids parents mad? Fly an SR71-BLACKBIRD into him.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting a girl pregnant.

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What happens when a toad is struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

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Why can't Ray Charles drive? Because he's dead.

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Why did the teacher's cat die? It had cat herpes and feline immunodeficiency virus

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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Q:why is walmart so big? A:Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of Walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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T u r n i p s

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whats the difference between kids and jewish people? kids come home from summer camp

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What do you call a fat cat? Nothing if you are a good person

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Awe the sky is crying.... No it's peeing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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