roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a canoe at him.

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Q. What happened to the dog when he was kick in the privates? A. Nothing he was neutered a year ago.

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Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

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why couldnt the little boy watch two and a half men? because charlie sheen left and the other guy had surgeery and now has 2 penises

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What did the platypus do whenever he walked into the bar? Nothing. It's a platypus, they don't do much.

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what do u call a Muslim flying a plane??? 9-11

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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Who would win if Chuck Norris and God fought to the death? None they are both fictional.

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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What did the spoon say to the other spoon? Nothing, it is a spoon.

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What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings. What's worse than 2 bee stings? The holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? 3 bee stings.

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Why aren't there Olympics in Mexico? Idk Because everyone that can run jump or swim are already across the boarder.

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What do the Africans have for breakfast? Nothing.

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Knock knock. Whos there Time to get a watch

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what do you call the breaching of the anal cavity with a penis? butt sex

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Why did Poppy lose at sports day? Because she had a heart attack and died.

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Billy Idol walks into a New York City Bar. He snorts lines of coke with his comrades in the bathroom and continues his night by having sex with attractive underage females

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Want to hear what's totally out of this world? Not wasting a whole page of space for something that doesn't even vaguely resemble a joke. [L]

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Roses are red... Violets are blue... I have Alzheimers... CHEESE ON TOAST

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whats funny about four dead horses in a park ? the horses are dead!

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Why doesn't Billy like his new step-dad? He's secretly a murderer and only Billy knows, he wants to tell the police but hes afraid to.

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What's brown and smells like shit? Brown colour. I'm synesthetic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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