A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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What did the caterpillar say when he emerged from his chrysalis? I am a butterfly.

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what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

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Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

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Dries Roelvink walks into a bar...

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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my penis

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roses are red, violets are blue, if ruddell was black, he would smell of poo.

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I had 99 problems Solved them all

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A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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What kind of doctors would you call A 30 year old chimpanzee? I would say "Plastic surgeon" but that would be unscrupulous to the chimpanzees because the tearing off or "lifting" of the owners face is because they are just animals. And should have never been kept in captivity that long anyways.

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How do you stop the mailman from performing his daily routes? You fill his house with blood thirsty bobcats

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Why did the woman get into a car accident? She was blind.

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A man asked a horse "Why such a long face?" The Horse replies "My entire family just died in a plane crash."

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Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

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why did the boy fall over? because he was hit by a fridge that fell out of the tree.

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How many Pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1. and "pollack" is a derogatory term that could be fond offensive to some people.

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You tell me. I have amnesia.

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Enough with the gay jokes, they all go one direction.

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Why was the man so angry? Because the woman was not in the kitchen

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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