Why did the fat guy survive the the plane crash? He was late to get up due to a malfunctioning alarm clock and so missed his flight, sparing him of the tragic outcome the other passengers suffered. To this day he still thinks about how a completely random occurrence saved his life.

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How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood

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whats the difference between a baby and an onion? no one cries when u chop up a baby.

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A little girl meets a homeless guy named Ian McDermott in downtown Atlanta She then screams stranger danger and a nearby policeman comes and arrests the man.

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the only thing i learned in geometry is when you push two circles together it makes a titty venn diagram

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why shouldnt you throw a rock at a black guy on a bike? Just because its not very nice.

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Who's the slut of the alphabet? C.

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You know what's funny about Fox news? Nothing. Lying to the public isn't funny at all.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned.

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Wife, "Wake up... i think there's someone in the house, do something... go downstairs and have a look!" Husband, "Do it yourself." Wife, "You what? You can't expect a woman to fight off an intruder..." Husband, "You women wanted equal rights so here you go, do it yourself."

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A Mexican and an African American are in a car, who is driving? The Mexican, while the African American rides in the passenger seat.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a cruise together. A horrifying accident occurs, sinking the boat and killing all of them. Their deaths are mourned by their respective family members.

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Q. What did the Vampire say when he ate the Pizza? A. Nothing. It is literally impossible for a vampire to be real, therefore it's insane if you thought it said something.

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A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

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Q. What do mummies do when they run out of toilet paper? A. Nothing - they're dead and inanimate.

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Uh Oh you just fell, So, So I've got one thing to say to you, And what's that Don't fall it gets you down!!!!!!!!

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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? No seriously, I don't know because we've only just got electricity in our village.

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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how do you wake up lady gaga? you throw her on the ground.

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How did little Tommy die? i pushed him into the deep end of the pool

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Why was the little boy sad? -Because he was on Fire.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

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roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimers but at least i do not have Alzheimers

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chuck norris's daughter lost her virgenatie but he got it back

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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