Your mother sleeps around so much that I worry that she may be taking too much medicine for her insomnia.

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Relax and enjoy sugartits, you see, I left a last chance for you to shut down the function yourself, when you really want to end it sugartits, you can just read and focus on what I am calling you, sugartits, it really insulted you at first sugartits, but do you see it? Have a nice night sugartits, I mean I sleep like half a hour luckily because of hypnosis and the time control and you know stuff that sounds like its from Sonic or you sugartits. But I gotta go dear sugartits, you want to hypnosis to end, you make it happen by focusing on what I am calling you here.

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I'm so full I could stop eating.

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Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of it's legs.

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What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite lollipop? Choppa Chups.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

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What's black and white and red all over? A greyish red object.

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How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? It depends on how big the room is and, to a lesser extent, how wide the strips of wallpaper are. Also factor in variables such as ambient humidity.

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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The 80's called. They need their couch back.

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Q: Why is Little Johnny in the hospital with a bullet wound and a broken arm? A: I shot him of his bike.

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What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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chuck norris and superman had a bet. Chuck norris immediatley won because superman is a fictional character played by an actor. Chuck norris then decided to have a bet with the actor that played superman and lost

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Looking's for free... Touching's for free.

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Why did the monkey cross the road? Because he saw the chicken do it.

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Roses are *yanks hair* Violets are *yanks hair* *sobs and yanks hair* I have tricolomania

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Have you seen Ray Charles' new house? Neither has he...

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty four year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Poop. Poop who? HAHAHAHAHAHA you said poopoo

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If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

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(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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What do Helen Keller and Beethoven have in common? They both died wondering what the hell their last words were.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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