Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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What did the orange say to the apple? “To be sentient is truly unbearable without sexual organs.”

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What did one Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I would tell you but i don't speak Chinese therefore i have no way of translating it for you

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Knock Knock Who's There Trick or Treat!!!

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Q: Did you know Hellen Kellers father was a skilled craftsman? A: Neiter did she.

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What's worse than a fly in your soup? Cancer.

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What happens when two Mexicans walk up to blonde and a red head sitting in car? The Mexicans attempt to smash the windshield with crowbars because they have issues with anger. The redhead turns on the car and reverses safely.

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Listen Supervisor, this is Agent Clarke of the GOV and the WHO, I suggest you respond ASAP, I suggest you put set me in touch with either Lady, or Axel Knight right away, this is a matter of your personal security.

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the firefighter says to the other firefighter: hey firefighter, are we going to fight a fire?

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Your mumma's so fat she is fat

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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A Jew walked into a bar and his cat died of aids

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name one pop artist who's better than Michael Jackson that's really hard. there's so many

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What happen to the man who got drunk and passed out behind the wheel? He crashed into a tree, his car caught fire and then he got incinerated.

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How many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the ladder.

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Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

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Ok so there were 2 white dudes telling black jokes...so one of the white dudes tells a joke to the other... 1st dude: what's brown and tall? 2nd dude: a tree 1st dude: no that scary black man who looks like he wants to beat us up.

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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What's read,bubbly and looks out the window? A baby in a microwave

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(Knock, knock) A: Who's there? B: Orange A: That is impossible. Oranges are inanimate objects and, therefore, cannot speak.

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What do you call a leper in a spa bath? Say excuse me Sir (or Madam), I notice you have leprosy, did you know that it is treatable? MDT for multibacillary leprosy consists of rifampicin, dapsone, and clofazimine taken over 12 months. Dosages adjusted appropriately for children and adults are available in all primary health centres in the form of blister packages.[17] Single dose MDT for single lesion leprosy consists of rifampicin, ofloxacin, and minocycline. The move toward single-dose treatment strategies has reduced the prevalence of disease in some regions, since prevalence is dependent on duration of treatment. World Leprosy Day was created to draw awareness to leprosy and its sufferers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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