A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why was the little girl crying? There was a frog stapled to her forehead.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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Whats worse than failing an English test? finding out your now exgirlfriend has aids.

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How much does a dead baby weight? the same amount when it was alive!

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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what happend when 3 white guys and 3 black guys try out for a basketball team? They all made it because you need 5 people on the team and it is good to have an extra person on the team in case some one gets hurt, fouled out, late for the game or dies.

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What does "Ford" stand for? Nothing. It's the name of the company founder, not an acronym.

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

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on a scale from 0 to 100, how childish are you? 69

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? ... A boy played in mud.

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what did the white man call a black man that was awarded the job he applied for? He stated the man was a hard worker and deserved the job. Then he walked up to the man with a smile and congraduated him. Then he went home and commited suicide after he concluded he didnt deserve to live.

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

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How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

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knock knock... who's there... i dont know i aint got a house

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The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

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What happened to the boy who ate a piece of his Halloween candy? He died. It was laced with cyanide.

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A Hispanic man, an African woman, and a Caucasian man walk into a bar. No one wins this round of "Racial Equality Appreciation Day's" game of limbo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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