A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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guess what? bannanas

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

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Roses are red, Potatoes are yellow, ERMAHHHGERDDD PERRDERRRDERRR

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Why did the kid cross the road? To show his friends that he had guts. And man, did he have guts.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house... knock knock who's there the chicken

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Why did the boy wear glasses? Because he had bad eyesight.

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What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

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Why did the kid get a bicycle for his birthday? Cause his father is a respectable parent who loves his child.

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How do you make a French-man cry? Kill his family.

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? By murdering his family.

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Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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Where did Sarah go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? You can't

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Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

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A blonde was taking a Math exam, so she brought her Asian boyfriend with her. It turns out they were going to his father's retirement party afterwards.

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Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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Two men were walking down the street. All of a sudden, the first man turns to the second and pulls out his hands of 4 fingers each. The second man shows his hand of 6 fingers each. What does this show about them? Together they have 20 fingers total.

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If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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