A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What was in the magical purple teapot? Two dying pelicans.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red Violets are blue These are facts that many people know

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When you wish upon a star... You are only seeing the light of that star, which has taken billions of years to travel here. The star that you are looking at has most likely dead, Just like your dreams.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the 2 black kids jump the barb-wired fence To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does a boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the teenage girl bleeding from her vagina? Because I had shot her in her vagina with my gun earlier that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead, ok!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack? He has a debilitating disease. He is slowly losing touch with reality.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do u call blue fluff? blue fluff

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Evil Witch: Hey Snow White, want an apple. Snow White: No thank you, I just ate, I'm good. Evil Witch: But its good! Snow White: No thanks, I'm good! Evil Witch: Ill put caramel on it!! Snow White: NO THANKS! Evil Witch: FINE!! The Evil Witch then pulled out an AK - 47 and violently murdered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than finding a Worm in your Apple? being Mauled to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is the difference between a duck? A motorcycle because vests don't have sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops