Q: You know what never gets old? A: The kids in a school shooting

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

yo momma so fat dora couldn't even explore her!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What happens when a monkey eats banana. It throws them up and gets some blueberry pie.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

The Yak, a long-coated bovine found in the Himalayas, is named for its distinct call, which sounds similar to "yak-yak-yakyak".

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Ducks smell too dog like animal farms riverside Chinese tofu hat hairy and eat beanie.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call cheese that is not yours? It depends on the type of cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q. What is the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? A. Depth Perception.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A Hideo Kojima AntiJoke Typed by Hideo Kojima. Idea By Hideo Kojima. Concept By Hideo Kojima Spacing by Hideo Kojima Controlled for typos by Hideo Kojima Overseen By Hideo Kojima Aproved By Hideo Kojima. Reconsidered By Hideo Kojima Accepted by Hideo Kojima What took you so long?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When life gives you AIDS! Make lemonAIDS!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the talking muffin say to the other talking muffin? Ah! A talking muffin!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man is eating in a restaurant and says, "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, can I bring you some salad instead?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's normally shaped like a rectangle, and is so thin, it gives people cuts? Paper.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why has 8 wheels and costs more than a Lamborghini? Two Lamborghinis.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what is the difference between oral and anal? anal makes your day and anal makes your whole weak

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari. I don't have a ferrari in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock Who's There Trick or Treat!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do you kill a man? slowly saw off all their limbs and then jump up and down on the torso and let all the organs fly out

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the pig cross the yard? Because the helicopter was chasing him.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops