Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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How many shots do you have to take to start feeling light-headed? Ask JFK.

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Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... The FedEx man leaves, realizing that no one was home, and continues on with his job.

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If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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What is grey and transparent? An elephant in a zip-lock bag.

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

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A man walks in to a bar, wakes up the next morning with the news that they have found a cancerous tumor in his neck.

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What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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roses are red violets are blue i done your mom and i do you too

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Q - What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench? A - The nba - Cool Bean

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what d you call three arabs walking through the desert? dehydrated.

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"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

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Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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What do you call a skeleton in your closet? Evidence of a brutal crime. You should probably call the cops.

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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Justin's life

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How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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