An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks: "why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus being incapable of comprehending the complexities of conversation said nothing, and shit all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why didn't the girl's ring fit? She had no fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why do new moms put "BABY ON BOARD" stickers on the backs of their cars? No reason. Hitting someone's car baby inside or not is against the law and very dangerous for passengers of any age.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A duck walks into a bar *************************** Later that day the homeless man had duck for dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's red and bad for your teeth A brick

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What does a hooker eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Doctor: Why the long face? Elephant Man: That's not my face that's a tumor.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Gorillas are black, Roses are red, Were out of milk, GET THE F**K OUT!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

thumb_up thumb_down +26

An old man walks into a bar. He drinks 3 beers and dies. The bartender calls paramedics but when the police came they arrested the bartender for beating his wife. A few hours later an earthquake destroys the bar and everyone was evacuated and many were injured. The manager was driving to the scene but has a car accident with the ambulance. It was such a bad day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Math Quiz! If sally was born on September 18th, 1997, how old will she be on her birthday? Leave your answers on her grave tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what do you call a toddler with a gun? uninteresting

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is a taco made out of? A. Various ingredients ranging from cheese to sour cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was the muslim surprised? A tyrannosaurus rex bit off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops