'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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"To tea to to to" -- russian tourist, asking for two tea to room 22. (DOKA)

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The duck didn't cross the road.

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Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A. Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Why did little jimmy fall of the playground? He was blind and wasn't aware of his surroundings

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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what do you call a man who likes other men? A fag

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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nobody move! I've dropped my brain.

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black —Stevie Wonder

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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I have read and agreed to the terms of service

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The Pterodactyl species became extinct 65 million years ago, and thus if you saw one today, you would be immediately taken into a mental hospital.

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How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Fed-Ex, here's your new brother.

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Did you hear about the man hear about the man who lost an arm and a leg in a car accident? He's alright now.

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What's worse then a bad hair day? Hattie.

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Redcunt? You got to try being nicer if you want a proper answer

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Q: A giraffe fell in a hole and died. Which was taller the Lion or Giraffe? A: The Giraffe was before it died

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What did Hitler say to Mussolini? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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your mom is so nasty that when she took a shower and acquired general etiquette, she became possibly more respectable

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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