Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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The funniest thing happened in my dream last night, i dreamed that banks would stop ripping people off and start treating people like humans. How wierd is that :D

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What's the difference between an elevator and a Mexican? An elevator helps society

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What do you call a green dog? A green dog.

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What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

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How do you find dennis ferguson? Look at danyons bckground

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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I like my wine like I like my children... Eight years old and locked in a cellar

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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Why did a jew die? It got killed by a nazi.

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Q: Why didn't the bunny eat the carrot? A: The bunny didn't have any carrots. Poor bunny.

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Your mum's so fat, she should probably consult her local GP to insure she doesn't die of a cardiac arrest.

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What happens when a chicken with a goat have sex? nothing.

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when life gives you lemons, you should go to the hospital as you may have dyslexia

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What goes from pink to red in 5 seconds? A pink shirt when red paint is spilled on it.

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Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1, idiot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens have 2 legs

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What happened to the boy who crossed the road without looking both ways? He was abducted by aliens.

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Why did the woman call 911? Fire.

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What do you call a car with no wheels? Trash

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A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya?" the man replies: "shut up gaylord"

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What do you do if you see a cat crossing the street? Hit it of course!

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What's the difference between an apple? An red fox's enzyme defragmenting on tue.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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