What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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Why did Obama give a speech? Because he is the president and people look up to him

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Crossing Guard union had reached a collective agreement and they had returned to work and it was safe to cross once again.

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You're mama's so stupid, she decided to go back to school and finish her degree in Russian Literature to improve her self-esteem and maybe -- just maybe -- save her marriage, which had been on the rocks, mostly due to her intolerable self-loathing.

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what will you never loose if you play world of warcraft your verginity

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knock, knock who's there you yoohoo i don't like chocolate milk!

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- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

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That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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What happens when you die? Your body gets decomposed by bacteria

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What did John name his dog? Doggy

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Scientists are still unable to fully understand the brain functioning of chickens enough to comprehend their motives for doing such a thing.

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A man with no legs walks into a bar. Just kidding...

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What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

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Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

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what do you call a cow on a rollercoaster? a very dangerous and unlikely event

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Why did h little boy drop his ice cream? Jerry Sandusky was behind him.

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What starts with "F" and ends in "uck" Firetruck.

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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