Why are you gay? Because ***** you

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a Guinness.

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

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Once upon a time, there was a cat. He died.

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Bob: Do you know the difference between beer and women? John: No Bob: Oh

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If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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What's worse than 9/11? a dipped glass of milk

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Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

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what did the person with yellow teeth and the person with white teeth have in common? they have a nose.

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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what d you call three arabs walking through the desert? dehydrated.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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What do you call a Mexican guy in America? A Mexican American

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-Bumper Sticker- Honk if you love Jesus. (Text while driving if you want to meet him)

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What's black white and red all over A Nun after being pushed down the stairs

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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