A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Why can cats jump so high? Cats leg muscles are different then ours. They work kind of like springs that build up energy and then release suddenly. Its kind of like a budgie cord. This gives them the ability to jump so high. If humans were built the same way, they could easily jump up on a one-story roof.

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. The owner of the stand marveled at how close such an adorable duck was to him and proceeded to sell lemonade undisturbed.

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What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin My dick in your mouth.

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Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

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what did the blind man see? Nothing he felt the penis in his butt.

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What's black and white and red all over? A blood-soaked zebra

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TIMMY

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Tilt your screen back .

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a guy walks into a bar.. ouch

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? -- Because it was dead Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -- Because it was stapled to the squirrel

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What does a vegetarian eat? colored penis

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how come jenny could not fall asleep? their was a man standing outside her window holding a knife

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whats worse than a leaf in your bed? World hunger, global warming, the economy......

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Your momma's so fat she ate oranges and coffe

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I forgot to tell you something I forgot wat it was

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How can you tell a blonde a brunette and a red head apart? Ask them if that is their natural hair color.

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There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell. Eventually they all starved to death.

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Why did the little girl cry? She lives in Haiti.

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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Why is it scientifically proven that even Spider-Man would be a match for Superman? Because none exist. Moral: The only Super Hero... not scientifically proven, but I exist so that makes me stronger than both of them!

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy but your adopted banana

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A black man walks into a store with a ski mask on... what does he do?? he buys skiis.

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My dog barks when someones at the door.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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