How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

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Your mother is so ugly it affects her self esteem.

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What do you call a man with a gun in his mouth? Keith.

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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A dog walks into a club. Just kidding I hit the dog with a club multiple times, killed it, and went to jail for the murder of an innocent animal.

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What's the worst part of being raped by a unicorn? Being sentenced to a life of shame and humiliation.

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My mind is like full of holes so I cannot remember where I am anymore, and I am tired in addition, but say, what the hell is a tussle? Sounds cute, but what is that?

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Why couldnt the girl braid her hair? She had cancer

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because I hit her with a shovel.

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A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway...

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What do a chicken and a grape have in comon? - They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

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what did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? get down.

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Why did Billy fall off the slide? Someone threw a refridgerator at his face.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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How do you get four gay men on one stool? You get three more stools.

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knock knock..... ding dong...... knock knock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they weren't home

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It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

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When a Jew with a boner walks into a wall what hits first? It really depends weather his arm or leg is sticking out when he hits the wall. When studying trejectory sciences, you will find out that it will be nearly a 95% chance that his foot will in fact hit the wall first.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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Whats the difference between anti-jokes and regular jokes? A Fridge full of dead babies being thrown at a black man with no arms or legs swinging from a tree.

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What did batman say to robin before getting into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile robin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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