How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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why did the chicken cross the road because on the other side his wife that he had loved for years was being tortured and he was trying to save her life.

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I'm going to rewrite history. History.

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How many seals does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Depends on how high the ceiling is.

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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Two great white sharks are swimming in the ocean together, one turns to the other to speak, but doesn't because sharks can't talk.

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Why was the Mexican sleeping? He wishes to decrease his risk of motor vehicle accidents.

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Two chinese friends are chatting, and one says ????????? His friend says ??????? After that, the first one says ???????????, and you keep reading this like if you understood chinese.

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Q: What did the police officer tell the man without a shirt on? A: Put a shirt on.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

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what did batman say to robin to get him into the car? Get in the car

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how did the fat man survive the plane crash? he didn't, he died like everyone else.

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What did little Timmy get for Christmas after he was diagnosed with leukemia? A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond because he was interested in redecorating.

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What is the difference between a bitch and your ex-girlfriend? First of all, they are two different types of mammals. Second, dogs don't talk.

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My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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Four blondes began their road trip from NYC to Europe and promptly drowned.

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123 f*ck off

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Why did the guy lose the race? Because he had explosive diarrhea

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What do you call a person with one eye and no arms? Names.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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