How many lesbians dose it take to finish a pizza? One or unless she invites some freinds over.

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how do you have sex? i dont know im under age!

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What do a lamp and a elephant have in common? Big ears, except for the lamp, it doesn't have ears.

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Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

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Why did the boy fail his final? His severe depression and progressive detachment from reality caused him to hang himself the night before

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a rum and............ Coke." The bartender asks, curiously, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws, embarrassed, and mumbles under his breath, "social anxiety."

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I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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Why was the kindergarten teacher crying? a child had just choked to death

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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what's an advantage of breaking every bone in your body? nothing, you're screwed.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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How do you kill a polar bear? Global Warming.

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What's the difference between ?2 and and 74^3? ?-405242.585786

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why did jenny drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock who's there? not jenny.

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ure mama's so fat

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Why didn't Johnny walk to school this week? He was dead.

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why did the man turn on and off the lights 20 times because he was diagnosed with O.C.D as a child

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Why did Hitler kill six million Jews? Why not? --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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What came first the chicken or the egg? Neither, chickens have been extinct since 1987.

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What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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