A clown walks into a bar and orders a pie. After about 2 minutes, the bartender gives him a pie. Later, a blonde walks into a bar and orders a cake. After about 1 minute, the bartender gives her a cake. Then a dog walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything because it's a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A Dog walks into a bar to order a drink. The bar patrons are at first amused and overjoyed to share their night with a playful pet, until they see that his mouth is foaming and he's already started trying to eat the nearest child. Screams erupt as the bartender calls 911. The dog manages to injure two patrons before he is tazed by the police and taken to be put down. One of the men injured has to have his arm amputated, which is unfortunate for his new career as a heart surgeon. The hospital informs him that they have no choice but to force him to resign, after they hand him his lengthy medical bill. He ends up losing his apartment, and his fiance leaves him for someone more stable financially. The man then drinks himself to death, after attacking and killing a local dog with his one remaining hand. The dog belonged to a new family on the block, whose son had terminal cancer. Due to the cancer, the boy had trouble making friends in a new area, and the dog (Sonny) was his one source of companionship and, by extension, hope. The boy is later admitted to the hospital for breathing problems, and after a 4-hour surgery, is pronounced dead. His attending physician was quoted as saying "He was so close to beating back the infection, but all of a sudden it seemed like he just... gave up." I mean, how was a dog supposed to order a drink in the first place, am I right?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q. A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide? A. The librarian hands the man a book on suicide

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why did susy fall off the swing? Cause she has no arms knock knock Who's there? not susy

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock, knock. Whose there? Me. Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Yo mamma's so fat she has her own zip code!!! :) Well... the actual reason is she is filthy rich and her house is so big that it takes up a bunch of room, and now that im talking about her i really wanna be her even though shes fat!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Life on the line? I just do it for the kill and the potential savage rape and consumption! And yeah, a man is not a man but a boy if he cant protect his lady friends. HEY WAIT A FUCKING MOMENT! Why you playing so hard to get now? YOUR FLESH IS MINE! It is just like a billion pages ago where we where talking VERY down and dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Oh s***

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Yo mamma's so fat she attracts other matter with a force proportional to the product of their masses divided by the square of the distance.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's big and black? An ant i lied about in being big

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the boy show off his ps4? Because his mom was rapped and murdered And his dad molested him when he was younger

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Ben: do you want to hear a joke. jack: yh go on then, i bet its funny. Ben: Your future.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Real Joke: The US Air Force operates Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. It is named for a seaman. Go look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did two rhinos engage in vigorous sex? They were horny.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down -1

"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You already had me chained to the bed. You didn't have to break both of my legs, Kathy Bates."

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than eating half a worm? Eating somebody's brain.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what's an advantage of breaking every bone in your body? nothing, you're screwed.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red, Grass is greener, When I think about you, I play with my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas many gift card to stores he liked

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops