hey i just met you,but this is crazy, my name is kony and i just took your baby

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why did the dad stop working on the roof he fell off

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What did Steven Hawking get for Christmas? ------ ------ ------ A bike.

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ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

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How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

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Why didn't my marriage work out? Because I married a tangerine.

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What do you do when your archenemy walks up to you? Kill them due to their vulnerability, I mean they walked up to you...

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We are not even in the same country, and my eye becomes infected two times a minute or something so I wont be going anywhere. I mean, if you are some guy trying to be a girl in order to screw with me, let me first of all thank you for our exchange of ideas and concepts, and then say that if you are a guy, that likes other guys, then... Well, lets just say that if you are a man, that I don`t speak with men in general, takes away time I can spend with the ladies.

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What did the cool guy say to Kelly Clarkson? Nothing, she's fat.

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An indian boy asked his Dad,'Why do we have such long names?' His father didn't reply, he died on the road home.

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What do you call a terrorist on 9/11? A terrorist.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Pokerface.

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A seal walks into a club.

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What do you call a black man? A normal human being

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What do you call a man with leaves on his head? Steve, he's on camouflage training in the Army.

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Yeah, haha, I tend to put myself under a state of trance at the same time I put others down there, which makes it difficult to stop it sometimes, I do it for ethical reasons, I mean if I would ever hypnotize someone into feeling really bad, it would affect me as well. You might want to get some water on your face, you know, so your upper lips don't envy the lower ones.

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why was the man afraid of the tree? Because it ate his mother!!!!!!

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Knock knock. I have a doorbell...

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Why did the teacher need sunglasses? Because she taught in a classroom with a very big window and the sun kept getting in her eyes.

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Roses are red Tulips are blue Wait, no sorry That's violets.

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A frenchman, an englishman, and an italian walk into a bar. They proceed to drink their beer in silence, because they can't understand each other one bit.

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Turkey Balls

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What is a black, yellow like liquid that contains carbon dioxide, usually kept in a can, and is not coke? Pepsi.

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What is white and hard to catch? A refrigerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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