What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? The lawyer is a human being whose profession is to give legal advice and assistance to clients and represent them in court or in other legal matters while the catfish is a freshwater or marine fish with whiskerlike barbels around the mouth, typically bottom-dwelling. -BG_Shank_A

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Simon says.. Nothing because he's deaf.

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someone jumped off a bridge he died

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was curious about something that had diverted his attention.

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How do you teach another person's son to ride a bike? You don't. Let his real parents teach him to ride a bike.

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What do you call a hindu that has radiation poisoned A radiatative hindu

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What did the frat guy drink after he lifted? A various assortment of beverages that were chilled at a cool 66 degrees.

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catastrophic anthropogenic global warming

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Did you hear about the Mexican boy scout that helped that old lady cross the border.

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

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Why did the little boy fall off his bike? He was hit by a truck.

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A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13

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How about that airplane food? Ive never been on a plane you tell me

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

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A: Knock Knock.. B: Who's there? A: John B: John Who? A: Shut the hell up, i'm masturbating.

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You know what's addicting? Heroine.

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When Chuck Norris realized that there was a more superior being than himself. What did he say? Suck it Safka

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops