Man 1: Do you want to hear a joke? Man 2: Sure. Man 1: Okay.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the schoolgirl say to some of the people of Anti-Joke.com? You're sick. Stop talking about the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the boy cry? Because he was a crybaby

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Knock knock?" "Who's there?" "Two dead kittens."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Please stop peddling your religion on my doorstep. .

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what did the boy get after his first communion? unwanted intercourse with his priest that resulted in scaring him for life, until the day he killed himself because he could never get over it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats a parkour kid? someone who jumps off things and is a pre-teen with adhd

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Why must you question a Chicken's motives to Cross the Road?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the mute man say to the president? Nothing, he is mute

thumb_up thumb_down +17

an islamic man with a strange bag walk into thr airport. he is probably heading toward his flight like any other person.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is purple pink and goes over 10000 miles per hour. Barnney in a tornado

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops