A man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman says no.

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Why did the fat guy pick up a noodle from the floor with his buttcheeks? He felt like pasta.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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What do airplanes and trees not have in common?? Bananas

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends what its name is.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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star wars kid

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why did suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms why did suzie get hit by a bus? she was blind knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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1.Why were the black men asked to leave the bar? Because it was a womens bar. 2.Why did the 40 year old get an erection? Because he was excited.

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What is big, red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater

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Why did the old lady talk to a tree? She had Alzheimer's and was going to die.

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What did the old man say after he fell down? nothing.

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What did the schoolgirl say to some of the people of Anti-Joke.com? You're sick. Stop talking about the Holocaust.

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Next up, Sharpi and Ryan take their audition faliure very seriously in "columbine high school musical"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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Whats brown and rhyme's with "Snoop?" Dr. Dre

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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What's worse than breaking a leg? Breaking two legs.

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Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

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What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops