What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Stolen cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Know what's worst than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Obama

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Q. What's big, green, has four legs, fuzzy, and if fell out of a tree would kill you? A. A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's 100 times worse that finding an worm in your Apple listening to Justin B. Sing! :-)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

If omar has 7 apples and his bus is 7 minutes early, what is the mass of the sun? Pi. Partially because the piece of paper couldnt dance with your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A black man, a chinese man, and a dog decide to have a race. Unfortunately, they are shot by a sniper on a roof while still in the planning stages.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's the connection between Obama and Michael Jackson? They both want to be a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A: Knock, knock A: Knock, knock A: Um, knock, knock! B: Sorry, I was pretending that I wasn't home.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What is my name? I dont know

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's hanging by a rope from the tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A miracle

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q: Why did the Little girl fall off the swing set? A: She was Shot in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Dont read this joke

thumb_up thumb_down -35

There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What did the lawyer name his daughter. he couldnt because both the baby and his wife died in child birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How many Jews can you fit in a one-person car? --One in the drivers seat, 30 million in the ashtray

thumb_up thumb_down -35

The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

thumb_up thumb_down -35

There once was a man from Nantucket.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q: What did the bus driver say to the black man? A: Nothing, he simply greeted him with a nod, as he would do to any other person who chose to ride the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms Q. What smells like red paint and is blue? A. Blue Paint Knock Knock? Who's There NOT SALLY

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of Elephants coming over the hill? Oh look, a herd of Elephants coming over the hill.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops