Why do ducks fly south for the winter? because its to far to waddle

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the man open up a umbrella? Because it was raining..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why couldn't the black man get a job? Because he was a violent sociopath with a criminal record.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did jimmy say when his brother had been mean to him all day and he was about to get a straw and his brother took the last one? That was the last straw!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the homeless man not get any ice cream from the store? Because he was not very bright and didn't try in school. Therefore he couldn't find a job or get his job back at the janitor at Go-Mart. This proves that not doing your school work correct can really effect your future. Plus they was sold out of chocolate.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If Voldemort was gay who would be his partner? Happy potter

thumb_up thumb_down +12

An iman, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. It's not the same bar. They feel uncomfortable mixing together and this makes me sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

knock knock who's there? dave dave who? dave suddenly burst into tears as his grandmothers altzimers became so serious she forgot his name

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mother is so dumb, that she had a very poor ACT composite score.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what do u call a blonde in the libary? alexandra wallace

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, Violets are brown, F*** who's had a shit in my garden.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

KCLTLMBAIMWSSHTCAWGAHW

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I pregnant woman wakes in the night because she had a mis-carriage.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's the difference between 50 dead babies and a three-course meal? One of them can feed me for a day and the other is a three-course meal.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many women does it take to ski across the pit of lava? None, they would burn and die.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't tell any funny jokes? He went to Anti Joke and posted 1000's.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Have you seen stevie wonders house? neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What is usually black , is a rectangle and has two circles? A: An i pod touch 4

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why couldn't Timmy ride his bike? He didn't have a bike, his family was very poor and did have much money. Therefore a bike for Timmy was the last of their concerns.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops