If Santa's not real, then who pees on the tree every morning?

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a man with a serious lung diesease was brought into a hospital, through continuous care they were not able to save him and he died the following morning.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender suddenly runs out the door frantically yelling, "He's got a gun! He's got a gun!" Meanwhile, inside the bar, the patrons overpowered the gunman, tied him up and took his weapon and all the cash he had. They later used his money to buy more drinks at another bar.

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A muslim man takes a flight to New York. He lands safely at JFK airport.

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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what has two feet and is black all over? your mom after she died in a horrific house fire.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

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A man walks into himself. He is revealed.

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Q: John eats 50 cany bars, eats 45, how many does he have now? A: Diabetes

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What did the black man do when he walked into the bar? He went up the bartender and bought a beer.

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A few people were put in a room with 5 doors and 4 were a certain death one was freedom and they had to choose a door to go in not knowing which was freedom the first person went in the door on the far left. He got raped by Michael Jackson. The second guy opened the door on the far right. He got in a room entirely made of ice cream. He ate all of it and got such a brain freeze his brain froze. The third and final guy turned around and noticed a door labeled exit. He exited the room and continued his life as a normal person

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What do you call a gynochologist named John? John

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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What is the difference between Jesus and jackAwhole lota fat

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Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

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What do you call a black man in a hole? "sir". He is A colnel in the US marines fighting for his country in a pivotal battle to maintain american interests in other countries.

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A 14 year girl enjoys exploring the sexual regions of her body, whilst having one of her intimate sessions her brother walks into her room. Her brother was a rather sexual 17 year old, who has had sex with several different girls, and is not afraid to try new things. the brother says " get a room to his sister... oh wait" and walks out

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"....did he fire six shots or only five....." It doesn't really matter, considering he will die of blood loss soon

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A boy spilt his milk on the floor, and then cleaned it up before his mum got home.

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Eric went for a poo in the public toilets. After he finished, he realised that there was no toilet roll. So he had to just pull up his pants and put up with his sshitty arse for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, he was in a board meeting and when he went in he stank of shit and it was a very uncomfortable feeling.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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