What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down

727-8088-954 Call Me. Say your name is Nick whether or not your a guy or a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

thumb_up thumb_down

A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

thumb_up thumb_down

A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you do when life gives you lemons? You apparently are not a fan of lemons what so ever, so you then throw them away, not knowing what to expect.

thumb_up thumb_down

This guy gets on a plane and leaves he takes a bite of a green Apple and says to sower then he takes a bite out of a red Apple and says to sweet so he takes a bite of a gernade and says to crunchy so the plane lands and he walks past a little boy crying and says little boy why are you crying because a green Apple came down and hit my dog in the head so he's walking along and sees a nether boy crying and says little boy why are you crying cause a red Apple came down and hit me on the head so he's walking along abd sees a little girl laughing little girl he says why are you laughing cause I farted and the building be hind me bluw up lol ????

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the portuguese fisherman take out a $20,000 loan with a reknown loan shark at exorbitant interest rates? He needed to buy a kidney on the black market for his drug addicted daughter who had also destroyed his credit score meaning he coudln't get a loan from the usual credit facilities such as banks and credit unions.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man and his wife are disagreeing about what type of car to get. The wife continously nags him about getting her something that will go from 0-200 in 4 seconds, so he gets her a scale and buys himself a truck, 1 min later an abulance is called because the wife hit the husband with his new car.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q:How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: Well, we can solve this problem of the wood chuck chucking our wood by putting all of your spare wood in a wood chipper. Try throwing dust you chucking bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

thumb_up thumb_down

A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down

hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

thumb_up thumb_down

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: If Alma have 4 corners..? A: Then there must be something wrong with Alma...

thumb_up thumb_down

Robin, get in the car, please.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why cant Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukaemia.

thumb_up thumb_down

I was about to do an triathlon, but i took an arrow to the knee. It got infected and i promptly died two days later.

thumb_up thumb_down

I'm HIV positive.

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mom as so dumb.... That she has a low IQ

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why was little Timmy afraid of clowns? A: The one at his birthday party killed his parents.

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you know that all of the seasons are named after coils of metal? Except Winter... And Autum... And Summer...

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops