How to you kill a pizza guy? Shoot him in the face.

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A man walks into a bar. He hasn't been there before, and it's a Friday so it's really crowded, and it's really quite a dive, so he and his girlfriend decide to leave and find somewhere else to eat.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer.

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WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENTENTS AT THE BOTTEM!!!

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whats worse then finding a worn in your apple the holocaust whats worse then the holocaust two worms in your apple

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What types of animals are the most dangerous? Dangerous ones.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. A few seconds later he drinks the water.

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What did the bank teller say to Santa Claus? May I help you?

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How did the rock cross the road? It didn't cause it's a rock.

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2 squirrels with 2 massive boners and 1 little boner.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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Q. A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide? A. The librarian hands the man a book on suicide

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Released some juice and burst its skin.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Tests.

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Why was the black man unemployed? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

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I once saw my grandparents making love.. that's why I dont eat raisens

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Bob: Hey bro Jim: ... Bob: You're dead! Jim: Yep.

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Why does Amy leave Dan? Dan gets hit by a bus.

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there was a rich kid strolling in the woods.he saw a bear, HE DIED

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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