A bartender walks into a bar. He serves alcohol for a living.

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your mom gave me head.....phones

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I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is a 120mph car crash

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You got yourself a mole, I suggest you restrict all access to any and everyone that could possibly go under aliases such as: The Wiz. Azure. Dungeon Lord. Dice. Wizard, and anything similar, he is most likely a computer geek which does not necessarily look like one.

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Why is it not safe for turkeys to do maths? Because they don't have the mental capacity to carry out the calculations correctly, which would be a danger in jobs such as engineering or the space industry. Furthermore, they are unable to understand the concept of numbers or symbols and therefore have no motivation to solve mathematical problems; and even if they did, they don't have the dexterity or education to write out the solutions.

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why was the boys t.v broken? because he through it out the window

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Yo momma's so fat that her weight is completely disproportional to the average weight of someone her age.

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Why did the teacher need sunglasses? Because she taught in a classroom with a very big window and the sun kept getting in her eyes.

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Your at a racism seminar. You learn not to call black people the n word but you know they really deserve it

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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What do you say to a womam with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice.

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Yo mama's so skinny, she should probably go in for eating disorders' counseling.

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How do you make an idiot in suspense?

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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Why did the dog cross the road? Because the pizza man saw how hungry he was and left a pizza for the dog. So when the dog saw the pizza he went to go get the pizza, because he was hungry. In hindsight the moral of the story is: if you ever see a hungry dog on the other side of the road, become a pizza man (if you aren't already) and give him a pizza.

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Me: Hey Chris! Chris: WTF.u.c.k

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Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

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What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. The ocean is inanimate and therefore incapable of speech.

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It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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Why did your ears get blasted with sound? You never turned the volume down..

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what happened to your carpool? they died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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