Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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What's worse than a papercut? Dying

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Some potential names for Justin Beiber's next album: Headache Wailing and Screaming Eardrum Rapist Anger Half Price Indescribable Out of Print April Fools The Sounds of Hell Torture Ear Basher

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what did the first fire hi-grin say to the second fire hi-grin nothing they can talk it what just really awkward.

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Kid hands Lebron a dollar, asks for change Lebron hands him back 4 quarters.

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roses are brown violets are brown who shit on my garden?

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? cancer

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How do you get a cat off a swing? You throw a dog at it.

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Whats worse than a worm in your apple? -slavery

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A women answers the phone. -"Hello?" -"Yes, hi, have I reached the Smiths?" -"No, you've reached the wrong number" The two women hand up, and continue with their lives.

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Q: Why did they laugh at the black guy? A: He told a funny joke.

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I Couldn't afford a hair cut... so i purpposely contracted HIV

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Dave: Knock, knock Steven: Come in.

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What does a sock, pillow and a lamp have in common? -they all live underwater expect for the sock, pillow and lamp -Matt

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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What did the towel say to the other towel? Nothing, there was no topic of conversation.

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What happened to the vegetarian when he tried outdoor survival He died due to lack of energy because of his refusal to eat meat and or any living substance

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How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

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Why did the boy get teased? Because his name was spelt wrong (k)urtis

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destiny

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A man buys cocaine from a shady dealer in an alley. He then goes home and experiments with it and other chemicals, and later on invents Coca Cola

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I enjoy Popcorn

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I found someone on the ground who wasn't breathing and had no pulse.They must have been in a damn deep sleep.

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Why couldn't the black guy vote? He was only 17.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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