Two tomatoes where crossing the road, when one of them barely avoided being run over. The other said, come on tomato!

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Why Johnny's parents threw out his broken bike? - ´Cause Johnny got ran over by a drunken driver yesterday, when he was cycling back home from school.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Cement is grey, Shoes are myriad colors, but usually white, black, or brown, depending on their use, And I love you.

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An alien spacecraft picks up human transmissions from Earth. They continue on in silence and disgust.

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Why did they name the team mavericks and why Was the maskot a horse? Because 50 years ago they found a blue horse And its name was maverick

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What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

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How do you fit 1000 babies into a trashcan? You don't that would be wasteful! You Eat Them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It is wrong to strip a homeless man of his clothes and chew his face off. Note to self: Explain this to someone before they have taken bath salts.

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what is the difference beyween football and baseball the superbowl and world series

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Why did Billy fall over? Because someone tripped him.

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What did the aliens say when they first landed on planet Earth? We've come back for Anthony Davis.

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We was all sat down at the table ready to eat then Gary must've said something to Lucy because she just burst into tears and left the table.

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What's worse than rain on your birthday? Dying

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What if your name was Mr. David and the office called you down and you were wearing a dress?

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Brian: Have you seen my slippers? Louise: What the hell are you doing in myhouse? Help ! Police! Brian: You have amnesia like in that film 50 first dates Louise: What film? I don't remember that Brian: Exactly

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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why did joe diragi cross the road there was food on the other side

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can you touch your toes? no

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How old was the baby when it took its first steps? That question is impossible to answer due to the fact the parents had an abortion and the fetus remained unborn.

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John: Knock Knock! Bill: Who's there John: John Bill: Oh hey John, come in

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The world does not deserve our rule, it requires effort, teamwork, respect for oneself and others, tolerance, love, patience, strength, honor, loyalty... ...Face it, people do this because it is far easier to be ruled, than to rule, it is far easier to do as told, than to ask oneself what one desires with ones life. A king that suffers the burden of his people, falls of his throne, a king that enjoys the burdens of his people, creates burden, and grows as people suffer. We cannot change that, maybe we have yet to evolve to that point as humans, or maybe it is time to accept, that we have evolved past this.

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Why did the Mexican go to Taco Bell? Because he thought it was a real restaurant.

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Blonde: Hey, what does "Idk" mean? Blonde's friend: "I don't know" Blonde: Thank you for telling me, that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

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This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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