What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q:Whats the difference between Jews and Pizza? A: Jewish people are humans, and pizza is a food

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Pilot: We need to lighten the load of this plane Italian: I'll throw out these pizzas, there are too many of them in my country Mexican: I will throw out these tacos, there are just too many of them in my country The american stares in horror at the two men, the pizza and tacos were their only food and they were lost in the Himalayas.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What happened when the man asked the girl if he could borrow her pencil? Nothing, she was deaf

thumb_up thumb_down -9

One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hi, this is luke. Luke, I am your father. I burned my father's body after he died saving my life on a large space station. You're not my father, stop calling.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why am I telling you this joke? Because I entered the following, agreed to the Terms of Service, and clicked "submit".

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the guy not asleep Because he was awake

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Want to burn 3000 calories in under 5 MINUTES? Take a store bought pizza and put it in the over for as long as you want. Just watch the calories burn away in a puff of smoke!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the spatula say to the door handle? Nothing. Inanimate objects are incapable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? She didn't have arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzy.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock know! Who's there? Aids! Aids who? Aids! Aids who? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad I'm not aids!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Ask me if I'm a tree..... "are you a tree?" No.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's brown and rhymes with poop? Dr. Dre.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's black and white and red all over? The color spectrum. Along with other colors.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Yo mama so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did Billy stop playing baseball? He lost his legs to cancer. Poor Billy.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what did the dog say to the cat? nothing cause animals dont talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why didn't Jenny's mom give her any Christmas presents? She was a selfish, mean, woman and didn't care about her children.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did Superman say to Batman when they first met? Nothing. They are not real.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops