What's worse than hitting your thumb with a hammer? Getting your spine ripped off

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What do you call a purple apple? Bruised.

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A seal walks into a club.

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Barack Obama

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your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reading the dumbass things that people come up with as an answer.

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Thats malarious! When something is so funny that... malaria

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What do you call a low-fat banana? A nothing...

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You know what happens when you plant a baby into the soil and give it lots of sun and water? It dies.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? Because ever since 3 died, 7 had changed. He had turned aggressive and randomly snapped and hit out at some of the other numbers for no apparent reason.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This font is black You smell like shit

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Life is like a bridge. You get walked on all your life until you fall apart.

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What's white and has a crusty nose? Luke Lange

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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Three nudists, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. No one finds it particuarly odd because the three are conscientious and wear appropriate clothing in public places.

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Q. Why cant Stephen Hawking walk into a bar? A. Because he suffered being paralyzed and is unable to walk. So theoretically speaking it is impossible to walk when paralyzed and in a wheelchair unless the victim is out of his or her wheelchair. Please note that the chances of walking when paralyzed are extremely slim.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in a van headed to the slaughterhouse.

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Q: There was a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, every one died, no one saw the train wreck, so how did the story about the wreck get out? A:Many philosophers believe that the universe is a figment of its own imagination. Therefore, if "the universe" decided that it wanted the story to get out, it could have just made it so since it is its own imagination.

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Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

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whats worse than school...wait a minute?

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Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

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What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops