A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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rose's are red violets are blue bernard is mine and yours too if you hurt him in any way i'll punch you in your face and make you gay Krissc

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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Q: Why did the crazy man stare at the orange juice container? A: Because it started talking.

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Q: How do you fit two beluga whales into a mini van? A: You don't.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did hitler do with the vegetarians? Nothing, because he was one.

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why did the man sell the car and bought worse one? it' s his hoby to restore cars

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What is worse than an 11 year old getting raped You getting caught

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What's worse than being a midget Being a midget with no legs

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roses are red violets are blue im much younger than i look;)

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How do you know if you have athlete's foot? You ask your doctor, and he will tell you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet You have pancreatic cancer

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/\ The joke above was really dumb. \/ The joke below is pretty good.

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They don't call it Bangkok for nothing.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a duck. The bartender is confused, assumes the women has some sort of mental problem, and treats her nicely, as his sister suffers from Down's Syndrome.

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The first train go fowards at 250 mph, and the second train takes a left, how many pancakes are on my rooftop? - The answer is purple because aliens don't dribk coffee

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roses are blue violets are red crap i screwed up dont judge me

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Why didn't the man tip his waitress? Because he's a cheap bastard.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why can't a chicken cross a road without it being questioned?

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Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No, we can't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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