What did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? A several garbled and mostly inaudible comment that she could not understand.

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How do u kill a horse? U stab it with a huge butcher knife

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? I raped your mom and she swallowed my load, k

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what's worse than finding an worm in your apple? Finding HALF a worm in your apple.

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Skinny people fart less.

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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Whats the same about a jew and firewood? They both burn.

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Why did the man crossing the busy road die? because he wanted to

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Q:What's brown and tastes like shit? A:Shit

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What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

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Whats green and has wheels?? - Grass, I lied about the wheels

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Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

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Why did piglet look down the toilet for pooh? He had a horrible mental illness

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What do you get if you put 2 Korea, 2 Europeans and 2 North Americans together? TSM

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Why did Sheryl Go to the Bathroom? Cause she had Direha...........

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Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What is the meaning of life? Definitions of life on the Web: a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life" the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life" the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others" animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes" the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life" the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life" the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life" a living person; "his heroism saved a life" liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it" living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life" the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon" biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life a motive for living; "pottery was his life"

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

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What's round, has two hands, and tells time? Some fat guy I know, with a watch.

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What did jimmy get for dinner? Food

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A devout Christian dies. Peter winks as his soul passes through the impenetrable Gates of Heaven. Everyone is gay and– like, gay as in happy– Fags aren't allowed in Heaven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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