Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

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How do you say a bad word in your language? Like this: "A bad word in your language"

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Your momma is such a slut, that she has unprotected sexual intercouse several times throughout any given day, with many different men.

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what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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A man drove up to a drive-thru. He ordered a coke, but the lady at the window spilled it on his lap. He promptly changed his clothes and accepted the lady's apology.

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

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Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

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One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

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A antijoke? The "new and better" Duke Nukem. "Power armor is for poossies! My ego is going to... ARGH! Both my arms are blown away... well Duke Nukem is too awesome! He uses his legs..ARGH MY LEGS! Well Duke Nukem is dead... but his ego will keep the remains of his corpse fighting aliens! Yeah ego!" Nukem: I got balls of fail...

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Why did Bob scream "Nurrrrrrrrr!!"?.....because he was mentally challenged.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? To bite a rubarb stick.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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A scantily dressed woman is standing at an intersection. She is a prostitute.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey, I just met you

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet Gum

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What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

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Why did the boy fall off the zipline? He had no arms.

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a camel walks into a bar. it is kicked out because camels are not supposed to be in bars, there camels.

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Why did a girl get an STD? She had sex.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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